~Jenni~ (sonflower) wrote,

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Trying in vain

Life, in a sense, has become seemingly shallow. The depth that I'm yearning for is yet to come. No, it is here... I just have yet to grasp it. The will of the Lord is at my fingertips, if I'm willing to give of myself. My willingness is so half-hearted much of the time. I must not allow myself to be lukewarm. I have decisions to make, but there are so many gray areas that confuse me. I don't seek the counsel I need; and that which I do look for, I don't receive.

My goal is to truly live life. I feel as though I haven't been doing much of that lately. I'm just going through the motions. Nothing is from the heart, it seems. I know that we don't have to me emotional in order to be genuine, but I lack zeal. I'm in a rut that is getting deeper each day I let go by. But, I'm also running in circles, so that I can't catch up with myself.

I keep wanting to just take one day off to get everything right, but life doesn't work that way. I won't be able to get my life to fit in a perfect little box. I will never get caught up, because time keeps ticking by with every second of the day. Now that I've come to this realization, I can relax a bit more. I still need to simplify some things so I have a better handle on them, but I won't let the worry of getting it put stress on me. I will have the time when it needs done. That's all there is to it.

Waiting for time,

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